The Swinger Dictionary

Every community has its slang, and the lifestyle has more than most. Here's the dictionary you'll wish someone had handed you on night one.

The swap spectrum

• Soft swap: everything but intercourse — kissing, touching, oral. A common starting line for new couples.
• Full swap: intercourse with another partner included. Often same-room so both partners can see each other.
• Same-room: you play in the same room as your partner. The most common setup for new couples.
• Separate-room / separate play: partners play in different rooms. Usually for experienced couples with high trust.

The people

• Unicorn: a single bisexual woman who joins a couple. Rare, celebrated, treated like gold — hence the name.
• Bull: a single man who joins a couple, often at the couple's invitation.
• Vetted single: a single person who's been screened by a club or community. Most reputable events only admit vetted singles.
• Vanilla: someone not in the lifestyle. Also used as an adjective — 'that bar is vanilla.'

The events

• Meet & greet: off-premise social — drinks, mingling, no play. The perfect first event.
• Hotel takeover: a group books a whole hotel (or a floor) for a weekend of parties and play.
• Lifestyle resort / cruise: a clothing-optional vacation venue or chartered ship for lifestyle couples.
• On-premise: a venue with designated play areas. Off-premise: social-only; no play on-site.

The acronyms

• MFM / FMF: the arrangement of participants (MFM = two men, one woman).
• DP, DVP: advanced play terms you can look up when you're ready.

The vibe words

• Play: the polite catch-all for sexual activity. 'We played with them' is the lifestyle's version of 'we hooked up.'
• Chemistry: that click. You either have it with a couple or you don't, and it's okay either way.
• Hard limit / soft limit: a hard limit is non-negotiable; a soft limit is 'maybe, with discussion.'

Keep this tab open on your phone at your first party. You'll sound like a regular by the second drink — and a pineapple on your cup means you're already speaking the language.